I get it. You talked to that one friend or therapist and read that one book (or ten books) and now it all makes sense. You've unveiled your suppressed trauma experiences, understand your coping mechanisms, and now you feel like you've just realized you've been walking around covered in slime for most of your life and you just want to get. it. all. OFF! Like now. Like right f*cking now!
Phew! Let's take a breath, friend. I wish we would power through this process but it's not nicknamed a "healing JOURNEY" for nothing. And the honest truth is you can actually hurt yourself by doing too much too fast. Let's talk about why that is and what you can do to support yourself.
There's a reason you suppressed so much of this for so long
The epiphanies of your trauma feel so drastic because you have likely suppressed them (in all those coping mechanisms you've developed over the years), but these suppressive/protective mechanisms were shielding you from what your nervous system determined was too much for you to handle at the time.
Treating your traumatic experiences with the proper understanding of their magnitude is crucial for avoiding retraumatization and other negative outcomes. Anyone that is telling you to process "years worth of trauma" in one sitting does not have your safety as their top priority.
The unpopular truth is that successful trauma recovery (no matter what kind... psychological, somatic, pharmacological, etc.) is a slow and steady process.
Let's find out why...
You can retraumatize yourself
Speaking very generally – retraumatization is when it feels like the original trauma is happening again. This is different than getting "triggered". When we're retraumatized we don't bounce back to reality as quickly. Instead, the emotional, psychological, and physical reactions of the trauma can linger for days, weeks, or even months. It is a re-experiencing of the original wound with the added wound that it is happening again in the here and now (creating a feeling of ever-presence).
Retraumatization is a serious risk when doing trauma work, and to some degree it is expected by many professionals. The important thing is that any retraumatization is minimized and when you are confronted with these experiences you have the competent support you need to process what is arising.
This little-bits-at-a-time (titration) approach tends to prevent the worst cases of retraumatization and gives us the chance to process the experiences in a more stable way.
Other risks of trauma recovery overload
Emotional Overwhelm – Accessing too much at once can lead to a vortex of emotions that can be very destabilizing. Experiencing this overwhelm can also prevent you from reengaging with the work in the future (and understandably so).
Physical Health Impacts – Reentering these high-stress states for prolonged periods of time will certainly impact your physical wellbeing. Becoming easily sick, having hormonal fluctuations, chronic pain flare-ups, and overwhelming fatigue are just few of the many symptoms you can experience.
Cognitive Overload – Your brain can only handle so much information at once. Trying to sort through what can be years of traumatic experience can seriously impact cognitive functions such as memory, concentration, and organization.
Why pacing yourself is actually better!
1 - Gradual improvement sticks
The ways your nervous system encoded your traumatic responses into your body were gradual, so in order to integrate new habits and reprogram your nervous system to recognize safety, the changes similarly need time to take root.
2 - Builds resilience
With the appropriate pacing you will have the opportunity to find new ways of coping, processing, and living that give you more resilience. Resilience is like any other "muscle", we build it with consistent, gradual exercise.
3 - It makes recovery possible (sustainable)
This process is hard so it needs to be sustainable. The last thing I want is for you to take on this work with the hopes of improving your life only to burn out in intense discomfort and distress. It's okay for things to take time, especially if that means they bring you more fulfillment rather than more pain.
When to slow down
Slowing down means having a respect for what you are confronting and committing to a pace that prioritizes compassion and safety for yourself.
Here are some questions that can help you know when to pull back:
Am I feeling overwhelmed more often than I think I should? Yes – Slow down.
Is my body feeling unwell? Yes – Slow down.
Are my emotions completely out of my ability to grasp? Yes – Slow down.
Can I still connect with the things I enjoy? No – Slow down.
Is my trauma recovery all I'm thinking about these days? Yes – SLOW. DOWN.
You are more than your trauma and you deserve to live a life outside of your trauma processing experience.
Strategies for pacing yourself
1 - Understand what "too much" looks like for you – It looks different for everyone! How do you act when you're feeling overwhelmed? What does it feel like in your body? What are some metrics you can use to judge how you're doing? The answers to these questions are all very unique to you.
2 - Define your resources – What people, activities, items, etc. help you feel grounded, spacious, or happy? Take some time to make a list of these.
3 - Have a plan – Make a plan to integrate your resources when you need them. What do you need to do to your routine to make this possible? Can you minimize contact with stressful people/situations? Can you schedule more time with people in your support team? Can you let the laundry pile up for a few days and order take out while you prioritize creative hobbies, yoga practice, or extra-long hot showers? Try to make this plan as organized as possible so it becomes an accessible routine when you need it.
4 - Prioritize keeping a support system – Have people in your support system that you feel safe to be open with. These are the people you trust to be your sounding board when you aren't sure what to do to support yourself.
You can do this...
It may not be as fast as we want, but one day you're gonna feel stable. The waves will become smaller and less frequent. You will look back and be surprised at how much has changed for you. It is worth it to make your trauma recovery a journey that enriches you rather than harms you.
What strategies have you found helpful in pacing your recovery? Tell me in the comments!
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